Like a batter mid season, I am in a hitting slump. Thankfully I am surround by creative people with great ideas. Tomorrow I go in to meet with the corporate bigwigs and they are going to want ideas. How do I get back on top of the radio? Here are a few I thought of (feel free to share yours).
- Instacart but a bunch – I mean a lot – of imitation crab meat and have it delivered to a bowling alley every Wednesday
- Hire a sky writer to draw lewd but artistic nudes of myself
- Buy everyone really tall hats
- Hold a PB&J social to inspire nostalgia
- Vaguely threaten a senator or two
- Go to Walmart, Best Buy, and other stores then put all the radio presets on 101x
- Have a short hat under our really tall hats
- I was going to suggest building a giant device to block out the sun in our town and make people pay for the light but then I remembered Mr. Burns tried to do that on the Simpsons and it didn’t work out so well
- Unnecessary prolonged eye contact
- Make friends
- Turn listening into a multi level marketing opportunity
- Pay panhandlers to hand out cold, wet hotdogs at rival’s events
- A tiny hat underneath our short hat if the original hat under hat bit doesn’t land
- Get back that station the Hungarian government seized from us years ago
- Call mom (this is a personal reminder not necessarily a suggestion)
- Sell some merch
- The space snake has begun to feast on the sky! You will all awake to a new dawn. The old gods have been eaten and their placental blood shall reign down a new birth of man.
- Hire lobbyists and petition the government to put in protections for our industry and rebranded as “clean radio” although there is no such thing
