31 of the Absolute Worst People at Concerts

women front row at a concert

Happy ACL Fest announcement day! Perhaps its time to revisit some clickbait about the worst people I have experienced at shows and festivals. You know these people! The asshats who care more about themselves than they do the communal experience of enjoying live music. Here are some people and behaviors to avoid.

Free Ticket Frank

Wow. Your friend’s band is finally back on tour and you have the balls to ask for a free ticket? What kind of shitty supportive friend are you? Buy the ticket, take the ride and help feed the artists you love instead of continuing to be a freeloader. Also, buy some damn merch.

asking for a free ticket via text

 

Cut the Line Carol

We are all going to get inside the damn venue. There is no need to cut the line when everyone else is patiently waiting to get inside. You will see the show.

Maskhole Manny

You might be vaccinated, it might be a fake lizard person conspiracy, or you just don’t care BUT some venues still require you to wear masks when in common areas. Don’t be that half-assed courageous wannabe ass that starts a fight with some kid working a job because you are too pussy to cover your face for five minutes. You are not a hero, you’re an ass, ass ASS.

Pushing Pauly

There’s Pushing Paul. The guy who pushes his way into your area, which is already crowded, you think he’s going to keep going but then he just stops right in front of you.

 

Front of the Line Fail Lindy

It’s an unspoken rule in society. We are a unit. A team. All of us. Whether you are waiting to get in the park, ordering a beer, or are next in line at the port-a-potty; HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER and be ready to roll when called upon! Unlike Carol you are in no rush to get in and hold the rest of us back from catching the opener by dilly-dallying.

Brings own Beer Brett

Listen, we get it. Drinks can be expensive BUT we just got out of a pandemic. Venues are suffering, bartenders are suffering and so is everyone else in the fragile service/entertainment industry ecosystem you are exploiting. You bought the ticket, spend some damn cash and buy a few drinks (just don’t forget to tip). And bottled beer? Really dude?

beer in a back pack

 

Berlin Wall of Dudes

275lbs, 6’8″ and somehow the smallest of your friend group that pushed your way to the front of the show. Head to the back with me and let the short folks enjoy the view for once. Furthermore, why are you at the Chainsmokers, dude(s)?

bros at a concert

 

This is NOT A Mosh Pit Nick

This a Glass Animals show. This song is super slow. This is not the environment for a six foot bro to be plunging himself into a row of teenage girls.

Could Care Less Laci

You waited an hour to get side stage, had to flirt with an ex to get wristbands from his company, and then pushed your way to the front. But instead of enjoying Local Natives from the best spot at the venue, you are on your phone or talking loudly with a friend.

local natives

 

Insta Story Sarah

OMG she’s like, totally gotta cover all the show ASAP rather than actually enjoy it! She’s found the PERFECT filter, put a top hat on M83, and even found a decent connection to post one of her 20 TikToks (all during the first song). Meanwhile, you are distracting everyone else trying to enjoy the live music experience.

Sound Expert Shawn

Don’t got get about sound expert Shawn who spends the whole show critiquing the live mix and EQ.

 

Crowd Surfing Carlisle

This isn’t that sort of show, bro. It’s Band of Horses, you are hammered, and weigh 230 pounds. GET OFF US!

crowdsufer

 

Sweaty Shirtless Samuel

At some point you are going to make physical contact with another human and that’s just disgusting. Put your shirt on you hairy, sweaty shit. This isn’t college anymore.

Spits Water Into the Air Walter

When sweating in the thick of a crowd, under the heat of the Texas sun; no thinks to themselves: “I wish someone would spit water so high into the air so it rains down upon us like a fine refreshing mist.” You are WAY WORSE THAN SAMUEL AND COVID IS STILL A THING!

spit water

 

Willie Weed Guy

Willie cannot go five minutes without whipping out his dugout and awkwardly trying forever to light it so he can cough a hit of skunk weed all over your neck.

Giant Flag Gerry

We get it. You want attention. You want to be the rallying cry –  the focal point of your friend’s festival existence. However, you’ve had 16 Miller Lites, your shoddily constructed pole keeps knocking into people, and we can’t see the stage!

flag

 

Hot Cindi on the Shoulders

Similar to Giant Flag Gerry, you are drunk, knocking into everyone and blocking the view (okay if 21+ and topless).

shoulders

 

Benny the Baby Bringer

Your kids don’t want to be there, you don’t want them with you, and it makes the rest of us depressed watching your sunburnt offspring cry in the beer line. Get a sitter, stay home, or catch Mumford & Sons next year.

mom and baby at show

 

Paint Huffing Pauli

Dude. Wait. Did I really just see that? You are huffing spray paint – at a giant outdoor music festival? So, so many questions… but first I have to scramble to get my iPhone camera – ah dammit he’s gone.

Camp Family Robinson

Every year people pack a week’s worth of newly purchased REI gear and head to a show only to hunker down in the chair zone for a nap. Worst off, you are always behind them in the security line.

concert goers with chairs

Matt

Anyone named Matt is just the fucking worst. Seriously, why would you invite him? He doesn’t even listen to rap. He’s pretending to sing along to Schoolboy Q.

matt flag

 

Anyone with a Flash Tat

Have fun at Kygo.

Harriet Swag Hoarder

She’s carrying a bag of sunglasses, six waters, has a tote filled with organic peanut butter samples, and keeps stopping every ten yards to pick up all the crap she dropped.

Ironic Fashion Ferdinand

Normal festival fashion is a bitch to deal with now this? Take those dick shirts and shove them up your ass!

“But ver German!”  Oh, okay.

Wait! Who’s your favorite club in the Bundesliga?

“ahhhh, uuuh, Schalke 04?”

LIARS! You just want your picture taken.

“Run! Schnell!”

shirts

 

Aggressive Bro, Angry Bae

Some people are just ready for a fight. Aggressive bro is drunk, on pre-workout with Adderall, and he’s ready to kick the shit out of you! He walks fast and you better move out of his way. He is going to muscle you out of any space and if you happen to knock into him during Kendrick, better be ready to rumble. Angry Bae just wants to talk shit but is not past clawing your face off or getting all of her friends involved.

Backstage Brooklyn

Nothing is good enough for her. She’s got to hustle, bustle and push her way to all the secret areas of any stage or festival. If security DARE question her she raises hell. Sidestage with free booze? NOT GOOD ENOUGH! She needs to be on stage, playing with the band and getting an IV of Whiteclaw directly into her rectum. “OMG, my friends will be so jelly. Now it’s time to leave and make my way back stage so more people can see me watching another band.”

backstage

 

Wristband Douche Danni

Screw you and your VIP access to all the free booze, food, and air conditioned porta-potties. Why are you even here?

wristbands

 

Anyone Who Stands in This Line

Walker Lukens is playing right now and you’ve been waiting for an hour, in the sun, to have an idiot you don’t know take a blurry, basic ass picture of you in the ACL Fest Frame? Pro Tip: Get there before 4pm or wait until it gets dark. Or don’t.

 

Friend of your Ex Felicity

Oh god dammit why do I always run into you? Why do you always look so hot? No, I don’t have a molly hookup.  Yes, let’s get a beer. Yes, I did bring my wallet. Oh, this is Dave? Cool good to meet your date. Sure, I’ll take your picture. Oh, at the giant frame? Sure, I’ll wait in line with you two. Good seeing you as well! Yeah, sure I’ll catch y’all at Die Antwoord.

woman at show

 

EDM Eduardo

Fuck you and your Indian Chief hat, neon tank top and everything else you roided up Real Estate Broker who preys on teen girls at edm shows. Go back to Rainey.

Too Fucked Up Fred and Fiona

You know what makes me want to get all Jim Morrison? Corinne Bailey Rae. Learn to control your drinking, learn to drug right, and keep your genitals in your pants.

Blanket Fort Brecken

Much like Giant Flag Gerry, your group MUST hang at all times. Only, you’ve decided to post up at one area, set up 50 square feet of blankets and block them off with lawn chairs. Feel free to extend the block to the main foot path and cuss out anyone who dare tread on the corner of your blanket.

blanket fort

 

Stinky Seth

Patchouli isn’t working bro. You’ve been dancing all day and now feel the need to bump into me every other song. Go take a dip in Barton Springs with a bar of soap.

VI-Pete

Fuck seeing any music or enjoying life. Pete sits his Tommy Bahama wearing ass back stage, sipping on free tequila, judging and bitching about how much he hates music festivals. Meanwhile, his hot wife is grinding with frat bros at Flume.

vip at all fest

 

CJ Morgan

I am literally the worst  (not as bad as Matt). Enjoy having fun at live music again and be excellent  to others.

cj Morgan

 

About the Author

CJ Morgan is not a writer. He is a click-bait hack and angry radio DJ who is bitter over the fact no one ever clicks on his stuff and that he will never be famous enough.

Back to the Home page
Listen Live to 101.5FM Austin
Read more Blogs from Matt and CJ
Listen to the Matt and CJ Podcast
Check out our Contests page for a chance to win something

Share this Posts

Share on twitter
Share on facebook
Share on linkedin

Related Posts

Last night CJ and Spencer were asked to be “celebrity” judges for paintball karaoke at Common Interest. Each judge has a switch that activates
Loading...