Radioman CJ Morgan went to Knomad Bar a few days before Thanksgiving in 2019 and really pondered the meaning of helpful holiday click bait. Here is some advice:
- Wear your fcking mask and stay away from meemah (updated for 2020)
- Dogs should not have any turkey bones. Ever. Or really any scrap. Most of what you have at the table is really bad for them.
- Be aware of how much you are drinking. Alcohol can influence your emotions and keep you from being able to get out of the house and drive/Lyft to a local bar where you can truly escape.
- Small fruits and berries should not be given to pets and should also not be served for Thanksgiving. Gross hippie.
- If you own birds, be aware that they should be in a separate room from nonstick skillet frying pans.
- Also, you shouldn’t own birds you weird fuck they’re supposed to fly free in the sky. What kind of monster are you?
- “They say don’t talk politics at the table. Fuck that. Put that old racists ass bitch in her place!” (bar patron tip)
- “Never eat the Jello salads or Jello anything, I read about that shit on reddit.” (bar patron tip).
- “Always bring matches. You are going to have to shit I someplace you’ve never shit before.” (Marlon, bartender)
- Your uncle cannot change any diapers, kids or grandparents, no matter how many times he asks.
- “Don’t go home. Oh, and make your own cranberry sauce.” (bar patron tip)
- Instead of iPhone 8 they should just call it iPhone ate my money because that piece of shit never worked right and the battery doesn’t really ever charge. This isn’t a Thanksgiving tip I’m just mad.
- Hide your keys. Mom will want more brandy and will send the youngest sober kid to get it for her.
- “Honestly fuck the entire thing, order pizza and watch movies that’s America.” (random person at the bar just came up to me with this).
- “You don’t have to just eat turkey, do sushi something. It’s about being thankful.” (also a bar tip from someone more cheerful).
- Get out of the house and expend some of your energy. Fun games like corn hole are a great way to get into a fist fight before dinner instead of after.
- Football First. Family second.
- “Here’s a tip, always pay more than you think you should.” ??? (really drunk lady).
- XMAS lights go on sale that weekend. Stock up!
