Deb is Un-American
7/3/2013 10:07:00 AM
Jason claimed today that he's never peed in a pool, despite what we all know to be true. He was finally proven wrong by Nick and his audio wizardry. Hear the montage of audio here. Deb knows Jason pees in the pool, and his denial only makes it worse. Guess who won't be pool partying with Jason this holiday weekend.
Deb is getting mad and beef-y against the Home Owners Association. Landscaping wasn’t done well, and Deb volunteered to oversee that, and she made a real difference! But now, Deb wants to park anywhere she wants, after HOA threatened to tow her classic car, Georgie, since she never drives it. How about she parks it in front of the HOA President's house - see how you like that!
In honor of Independence Day arriving tomorrow, Deb took a citizenship quiz. Jason and Alex doubted that Deb can pass but not surprisingly, Deb passed with red, white and blue flying colors. Although to be fair these questions are meant for a 2nd grader’s knowledge. Sadly, the 2nd time Deb was quizzed, she thought that Philadelphia and New England were American colonies (looking for Pennsylvania and Massachusetts, Deb), she failed with flying colors. Hear the play-by-play here.
Wednesdays we shine a light on That Guy – the guy (or girl) who does something douchey and either doesn’t realize it or doesn’t apologize for it. Today it was I Don’t Like To Get In Public Pools Guy – aka Deb. But she has recently found out that grown men – like Jason – like to pee in the pool. So she's allowed to stay away, right? Look, there's plenty of chlorine - you'll probably be fine. Pee-y, but fine.
NICK’S FREAK OUT:
Why is poor Nick freaking out today? Jason and Deb hypothesized that Nick’s chaotic nature is from losing yesterday’s company-wide Dependability Award. But no, Nick’s just fed up with all of Jason’s nitpicky bickering. Why can't we all just be friends?
FOURTH OF JULY:
Deb has finalized her Fourth of July plans. She decided will go to the lake, pee in the lake, have a water balloon fight, grill some vegetarian hot dogs, and watch the fireworks. She will not partake in any of that pyromaniac firework action and advises no one else to do so as well. That plan will probably not work, Deb.
We're all about supporting animal charities and bringing you the happiness of animals in your own home. So you should check out our friends at Love-A-Bull, who are currently looking for a home for Sorrento. He’s a loveable baby who loves pool time and cuddling. Give him and the other adopt-a-bulls a look here.
DOES DEB KNOW STUFF:
Every day we “trivialize” Deb by asking her questions about America, then laughing when she doesn’t know the answers. Today Deb was quizzed on the patriotic tunes of the U.S.A. It became clear how un-American she is, because she did not get any of the song titles. But she still got to play her version of the National Anthem.
DEB’S I LOVE YOU CALL:
At 8:50 Deb calls a random business and tries to get the person answering the phone to say, “I love you.” Today she called Hollywood Meat Market in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Deb spoke with Leo and discussed the possibility of buying a large amount of beef sausages, not pork, for the Fourth of July. Leo laughed quite a bit "with" Deb, but, in the end, she got buttslammed.
Aaron Hernandez is accused of being involved in another drive-by shooting in 2007. But Deb is holding out for his innocence on account of his good looks. Also in that year, Aaron Hernandez had such a bad behavior as a freshman in Florida that even Tim Tebow couldn’t save him from a bouncer fight.
Alex Rodriguez went hitless in his first game back after his hip surgery. Sad Day.
Mrs. Whitehurst, a hot teacher in Southern California, had a baby with a 16-year-old.
Back in New York, James Gandolfini didn’t have Twitter, thus neither will Alec Baldwin. Deb doesn’t think he needs to be on Twitter anyways.