What Do People Do Besides Stand Around And Pee?
7/2/2013 11:06:00 AM
DICK’S THEORY OF KISSING:
In a hungover daze the other day Jason came up with something "brilliant." Over the past few years Jason has kissed only girls that are good at kissing, so Jason must be a great kisser, right? He would tell you that he’s “at the peak of his powers” and the fact that he’s finding so many great kissers would seem to be more than just coincidence. To explain these findings Jason compared himself to LeBron, calling himself a facilitator of great kissing and even claiming to be better than Deb. Well, how can we scientifically prove who's better...
WE'RE NOMINATED FOR AWARDS?:
We’re having our radio station award luncheon today and we were, apparently, nominated for Best Team. What? All of us would tell you that we’re a terrible team. Like, really bad. However, as if that's not crazy enough, Producer Nick was nominated for a dependability award. The consensus in the studio is that Nick is the least dependable person here; who on earth made these nominations?
DEB’S TERRIBLE MORNING:
Today Deb had two “scream out loud” moments this morning, which is really a terrible way to start off the day. First, when she went to get her strawberries out of the sink she realized that there was a lizard sitting in the box of strawberries. Who wouldn’t scream at that? A mere three minutes after the lizard incident Deb noticed a bright orange square sticker on her car, signaling that her car will be towed tomorrow unless it’s moved. Really, is there any worse way to start your day?
Tuesdays we take a peek into Deb’s Diary to see what it’s like to be a hot, British chick living in Austin. Deb confessed to being scared and confused as she currently doesn’t have any plans for the Fourth of July. As such, today’s diary entry was an open plea for advice and guidance from both listeners and her friends in the studio. As you might expect, this didn’t really go too well and Deb still doesn't have any plans. Good ideas: pudding wrestling or a white trash pool party. Bad idea: being in the pool with Jason. Where he has peed.
PET OF THE WEEK:
We're all about supporting animal charities and bringing you the happiness of animals in your own home. So you should check out our friends at Love-A-Bull, who are currently looking for a home for Jack Black, who promises to be at least as funny as his namesake. He's great with people and other dogs. Give him and the other adopt-a-bulls a look here.
I LOVE YOU CALL:
At 8:50 Deb calls a random business and tries to get the person answering the phone to say, “I love you.” Today she’s calling Zenith Pyrotechnology in Deer Park, New York. Marie was very helpful in explaining to Deb that Zenith doesn’t sell fireworks: they do pyrotechnics for private events. After that there wasn’t much left to talk about, so Deb thanked her for her help and went in for an “I love you,” but Marie was quick to hang up the phone. Buttslammed.
DOES DEB KNOW STUFF:
Every day we “trivialize” Deb by asking her quiz questions, then laughing when she doesn’t know the answers. Today we’re doing fireworks trivia: Jason describes the firework and Deb gives its name. Deb was able to identify the “bottle rocket” because the word “bottle” was used in the question. However, Deb wasn’t able to guess the “m80” or the “cherry bomb,” while Alex was able to guess both. This is what happens when you don’t use fireworks: you lose trivia games.
In case you haven’t heard, Amanda Bynes is slowly losing her mind and making sure that everyone knows by writing crazy tweet after crazy tweet. Yesterday she tweeted “I Want A Million Dollars A Year For Illegally Having My Mind Read And Privacy Stolen.” Don’t we all, Amanda?
For news that’s local and really matters, Rick Perry’s second special session of the Texas Legislature began yesterday and all the focus remains on SB5, the bill on abortion. Over 5,000 people congregated yesterday at the capital to protest the bill, and celebrities who made appearances included Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks. She has really short hair now.
The Dwight Howard saga continues. He plans to meet with the Mavericks and the Lakers today, and he will eventually pick a team to play for. Other contenders in the Dwight Howard sweepstakes include Atlanta, Golden State, and Houston. Rapper Slim Thug took to Twitter in an effort to bring Howard to Houston, tweeting things like "The galleria mall is a fool kid every store in one spot stay crawling with Bad bitches." The man knows how to make a convincing argument.
In the wake of Aaron Hernandez’s fall from grace, his jerseys and memorabilia have surged in price, with jerseys regularly selling for $200 to $250 on eBay. Sell ‘em if you’ve got ‘em, because this market won’t last!