This Is The Appendix Of My Career
5/18/2012 10:49:00 AM
Later today Jason will let a man take a picture of the base of his penis. Our friend Bad John Paul is going to do a photoshoot with Jason & Deb. He’s the guy who takes the artful pictures that often involve people being naked. Now, Deb doesn’t want to be naked. She wants to look like she just had a really crazy night out on the town, but she’s needed to mentally and physically prepare for it. Jason’s ready to go at any moment – he’s just the way God and Taco Cabana made him.
JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS:
We’ve got this website where we have to fill out goals every year and review how well we met past goals. The system was designed for people who have real jobs, not people who do what we do, so we hate it. While filling out hers, Deb put “Ratings: I want to succeed in the ratings.” That should do it. If you have a suggestion for our goals, e-mail us at email@example.com.
We had the very funny host of The Soup and star of Community, Joel McHale, on the phone today. Deb’s mad at him because when he was in town filming Spy Kids, she tweeted at him, and he totally ignored it. Well, he’s too bigtime to see all the tweets at him. Although he would tweet at her if she were in a show called Naked in the Abbey, as he though she said, when she was talking about her Twitter avatar. We also found out that he’s both a scalper and a hearththrob, so if you like that, buy some tickets for his show at the Long Center tomorrow here.
C OF THE WEEK:
Every Friday Deb calls the one person who’s most wronged her that week the C Word – the worst word in the world, although she often means it jovially. Right now it’s someone we all know. She doesn’t want to mention it anymore, because it’s causing him to get more donations just out of spite, but it’s Nick for asking for handouts with his GoFundMe page. He should go out and work hard for his money. That’s the American Dream! No, see, the new American Dream is getting money for nothing and your chicks for free.
MIDDLE SCHOOL FASHIONS:
Jason was thinking back to the golden age of yesteryear, when all the cool kids in middle school would wear overalls. He profiled Nick, thinking he must’ve worn them, since he was from Jarrell. Well, no, but he did wear some today. Deb only thinks of little kids when she sees overalls. And even they look stupid when they wear ‘em.
DENNIS DE LA PENA:
Every week we talk to a real sports expert, Dennis De La Pena from Fox 7 Sports, on the show. Jason made a bet that the Spurs wouldn’t win the NBA Championship, and Dennis said he could not be in worse shape right now. The Spurs have gotten nothing but better since April, and the Heat are going exactly the other way. Dennis says Jason better become a big Oklahoma City Thunder fan here to save some money. Check out UEFA on Fox this weekend.
PET OF THE WEEK:
Every week we feature a lovely adoptable dog. This week we're looking for a home for Billie. She's a very sweet puppy whose jaw and pelvis were broken. She’s having surgery on her pelvis and has already had surgery on her jaw, which will be wired shut for 6 weeks while it heals. If you’re interested in adopting Billie, email firstname.lastname@example.org for more information. While you’re at it go to Love-A-Bull and take a look, so we can give some other pups great new homes too.
I LOVE YOU CALL:
At 8:50 Deb calls a random business and tries to get the person answering the phone to say, “I love you.” Today she called Swim N Sport in Florida, where she talked to Ellie. Deb said she was on vacation with her family – do they have nice bikinis there she could buy? Well, that was their corporate office, so they don’t sell anything there. Whoops. Ellie was still very nice, but she refused to give Deb anything more than a chuckle, which ruined her streak! Now she’ll never get 5 in one week!
DOES DEB KNOW STUFF:
Every day we “trivialize” Deb by asking her quiz questions and laughing when she doesn’t know the answers. Today it was ‘90s Fashion Trends. What musical group was responsible for making kids wear their outfits backwards? Well, obviously that’s Kris Kross. What is a snap bracelet? She did know, it’s the thing that you slap on your wrist and it goes bbrrrrp. Um, sure. What eyewear was popularized by Sylvester Stallone? She said RayBans, but it’s Aviator sunglasses.
Conan was on Letterman last night, and all they did was bash Jay Leno. Take a look here:
The Spurs are good at basketball, again defeating the Clippers last night.