A Little Bit of Stand Up Action
5/7/2012 10:26:00 AM
FIGHT WITH LEE LEFFINGWELL:
Jason met the mayor of Austin for the first time on Friday, because they were both part of an event where they encouraged kids to go to college. When Jason introduced himself, Mr. Leffingwell said, “Okay, good, great,” and pushed his hand away. Butt-slam! So in revenge (and also because of the weird delay in the sound system at the event), Jason introduced him as “Lee Leffinwerghum.” Take that!
WORST WING MAN EVER:
Jason was in Vegas this weekend, and his date was his longtime friend Jake, who turned out to be the worst wingman ever. Saturday Jason was about to seal the deal with a lady, so he texted Jake not to come to the hotel room. So what does Jake do? Text Jason profusely and then barge in seconds after it was all over, saying, “I have to get my Spurs shirt.” You’re fired, dude.
Yeah, that’s what we’re talking about. Deb made a questionable choice today. She’s wearing “full-back pants” today – aka regular underwear. It’s because she wore a slightly short skirt, and she’s worried about exposing herself, so she skipped her typical thong. But she accidentally wore see-through underwear. Defeats the purpose a bit.
TRUTH OR PAIR:
In this game you can ask Jason or Deb anything you want, and they can either tell you the Truth or give you a Pair of tickets to that thing you love. First off, Jason told the Truth that the position he used while making tender love in Vegas was a standing version of a position normally associated with canines. Understand? Then he was asked if he ever used the idea of Deidre (from the weekend staff) when he was wanking. The answer is: of course.
QUIEN ES MAS MACHO:
Jason will tell you he’s a man’s man’s man, and we put that to the test every Monday by pitting his weekend against a listener’s and seeing whose was mas macho. Today listener Grant told us he went to a crawfish boil in East Texas – 2000 people, among whom Gary Wayne and JJ got into a fight, so he had to referee that, partially because there were lots of adult beverages. Jason spoke to high school kids, had sex with a girl (in Vegas – not at the high school), and he ended up coming back from $1100 under to $600 over while gambling in Sin City. It must have been Gary Wayne and JJ voting, because Jason lost.
PET OF THE WEEK:
Every week we feature a lovely adoptable dog. This week we're looking for a home for Billie. She's a very sweet puppy whose jaw and pelvis were broken. She’s having surgery on her pelvis and has already had surgery on her jaw, which will be wired shut for 6 weeks while it heals. If you’re interested in adopting Billie, email firstname.lastname@example.org for more information. While you’re at it go to Love-A-Bull and take a look, so we can give some other pups great new homes too.
I LOVE YOU CALL:
At 8:50 Deb calls a random business and tries to get the person answering the phone to say, “I love you.” Today she talked to Michelle at Jersey City Chevrolet. Deb said she’s considering buying an Equinox, because “it’s like a new-age El Camino” (incorrect). Michelle was very nice and promised to call Deb back. Uh oh. Well, it’ll be made worse because Deb’s I Love You only got a “youse okay bye” back.
This just in: Ted Nugent is crazy. He was mad that a CBS reporter suggested he was too conservative, so he said that if the reporter could do his research properly, Nugent would perform oral sex on him.
Albert Pujols has hit his first homerun of the season. The Angels have probably been worried up to this point, but it looks like he’s back! Sort of.