Jason and Deb

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Wake Up and Wax Up

DOUG MELLARD AND MIKE WIEBE ARE AWESOME

Our friends who are also comedians (and sometime rockstars), Doug Mellard and Mike Wiebe, were guests on the show today. Weird and fun times ensued. They discussed Deb’s very bold and now well-known live coverage of her first Brazilian wax.  Doug recommends Deb should have just gone to get it done by some guy in a van named Ricky down by the river instead. Duh, Deb. We should have them on the show every week if this is the kind of advice they give. Check out the NSFW bonus podcast, as well as Doug and Mike's Twitter pages for more words of wisdom.

 

WAKEY WAKEY JASON DICKY

Jason was a little tardy for work today after his apparent wild Wednesday night watching the Goonies. What even happens on Wednesday nights that you treat Thursday mornings like Mondays? Jason is just a party hard 24/7 guy we guess? Anyway, Deb took over temporarily and learned the important virtue about not being a “homophonaphobe” in the meantime. So, Deb learned a new word to add to her vocabulary and Jason got more shut eye. It’s a win/win situation. Check out all our late fun at Summer Cinema here.

 

GENERATION X, YOU SO MILFY

Deb was dying to get to the bottom of the Which Generation Does She Belong To mystery. She is obviously too young to be a baby boomer, yet she is also a little too old to be a millennial. So, the only option left is: Generation X.  Generation X birth dates range from the early 1960s to the early 1980s. So keep in mind you Generation X-ers, if your girlfriend was pretty much born with an iPhone in her hand (ahem, millenials, or, continued coughing, Generation Z), she’s not in your generation, bro. Which may also be interpreted as, she’s too young for you bro, but who are we to judge.

 

DEB’S BRAZILIAN

Deb may just be the very first person to ever live tweet her Brazilian wax, which featured pictures and everything. Whenever someone puts hot wax on their genitals, things get personal. Deb was on the lookout for a place to go that she wouldn't be recognized. You know, somewhere where the beauticians don't speak English. Deb could not bring herself to give live coverage on the super classy Instagram, but Twitter is the perfect social media atmosphere for these kinds of things. We will say that this event created nothing less than a magical bond between her and her followers. We will all remember this day.

 

DEB REVOLUTIONIZES FOOTBALL

Deb is re-naming football team positions that she thinks would fit much better than the dumb titles like “quarterback” or “wide receiver”. Blegh. So Deb is adding some porny spice to their titles. The quarterback definitely needed to be re-named. We mean, those guys don’t even wear quarters on their backs so what’s the point? Deb said he should be named “Taint Toucher” or “The Cute Guy” instead, which actually makes so much more sense. Fortunately, the “Tight-End” gets to keep his real name because Deb likes the sound of it, wink wink. Here’s the rest of her revolutionary, never seen before (probably literally though) football titles list:

Quarterback: The Cute Guy /Thrower/ Taint Toucher

Runningback: Runner

Wide Receiver: Catcher

Center: Taint Guy

Tight End: Tight End

Guard “Taint Guard”

Offensive Tackle: Defending Fat Guy

Defensive Tackle: Attacking Fat Guy

Defensive End: Running Attacking Fat Guy

Linebacker: Canon Fodder

Cornerback: Stopper

Safety: Last Line of Defense

Kicker: Kicker

Punter: 2nd Kicker

Kick Returner: Kick Catcher

Punt Returner: 2nd Kick Catcher

Deep Snapper: Other Taint Guy

 

PET OF THE WEEK

We're all about supporting animal charities and bringing you the happiness of animals in your own home. So you should check out our friends at Love-A-Bull, who are currently looking for a home for Kit. She's low-key, but she'll perk up to play some softball, Give Kit and the other adopt-a-bulls a look here.

 

I LOVE YOU CALL

At 8:50 Deb calls a random business and tries to get the person answering the phone to say, “I love you.” Today she called “Boulder's Liquor and BBQ” and told them she was on a road trip from Texas and was in major need of some booze and BBQ. More specifically, some moonshine and BBQ. That sounds phenomenal, by the way. Deb also got an “I Love You” back, so hooray for booze and good food and spreading the love.

 

DOES DEB KNOW STUFF

Every day we “trivialize” Deb by asking her questions about the game of football, then laughing when she doesn’t know the answers. Today was football position trivia. Nickelback refers to when a team brings an extra player in at what position? She was stumped. We’re not sure if she thought we were talking about the band, because she guessed quarterback, and it’s actually cornerback. Cue the wrong answer buzzer sound. Shame on you Deb, you need to brush up on your classic American heritage!

 

NEWS

A Utah man was fired for writing an article talking about “homophones”, because his boss thought that he was promoting a gay agenda, which makes no sense.

 

SPORTS

Look out San Antonio. Los San Antonio Raiders is looking like it could potentially become a real thing. The leaders in San Antonio have been talking to the Davis family (who own the Raiders) about a possible move to the Spurs city. We don’t know if we’re for it or opposed.

 

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