Jason and Deb
Permanent Butt Creases
When we first got here today, Deb said that Nick’s trackpants were unprofessional. He then pointed out that hers look a lot like pajamas. To the contrary, Deb insists that she bought them in a trousers section of a store in a mall. What about Nick, if his were in the pants section of an Academy? Jason (no one’s fashion authority) said that track pants are always fine – he wore some to his friend’s wedding - but you have to wear a button down shirt with it. Judge all of our outfits if you dare, and vote in the poll to the right.
Jason’s dog sleeps with him every night, but last night he woke up to the scariest noise: the sound of pre-heaving. What’s the protocol when you get that early warning sign? Throw him across the room? In his sleep-hazed brain, Jason decided just to leave him on the bed, because it’s easier to wash his sheets than his carpet. Magically, though, this morning there was no puke in the bed. What could have possibly happened to it? *
* Silent J definitely ate it.
DUMB QUESTION AMNESTY:
As long as you say “Dumb Question Amnesty” before you ask a stupid question, no one can laugh at you. Nick wanted to know: is it necessary to have a box spring that actually fits your mattress? Nick’s sleeping on a mattress donated by Deb, but the problem is, it’s a queen, and it’s on his old full box spring. Does he even need that thing? Deb learned you do when she threw her old one away. Hey, that’s why Nick didn’t get one from her!
WHERE’S MY FLYING CAR:
In this segment we talk about something that should be a thing but isn't yet a thing, as far as we know. Like the flying car. Facebook. Obviously that’s been invented, but Jason’s tired of the way his news feed looks. And he doesn’t even know how it knows what he’s looking at. He never “likes” anything. Sure, he’s looking at pervy things all the time, but how does it know? There are so many videos in his feed! Quick fix: change the news feed from “Top Stories” to “Most Recent.” Problem solved.
HELP THE DOGGIES:
We love animals, and the latest way that we're showing it is supporting our friends at the Rowing Dock, who need to raise money for their beloved mascot, Ria. You can see Ria bringing Deb some happiness right here, and if you can help her keep that going by participating in their event or donating, you'll be a slightly better person because of it.
I LOVE YOU CALL:
At 8:50 Deb calls a random business and tries to get the person answering the phone to say, “I love you.” Today, after a coffee shop didn’t ever pick up the phone, we talked to the folks at Lee’s Inn in Indiana. They have no problem letting pets in, and they can even sleep in the bed, if that’s what you crazily want to do. Despite bonding over dogs, Deb got butt-slammed.
DOES DEB KNOW STUFF:
Every day we “trivialize” Deb by asking her quiz questions, then laughing when she doesn’t know the answers. Today she had Pants trivia. What ‘90s group wore backwards pants (and clothes in general)? She knew it was Kriss Kross. American Idol brought the world what amazing song by General Larry Platt? Obviously it’s “Pants On The Ground.” What an American hero.
This just in: Hello Kitty is not, in fact, a cat. The creators have said that she’s a little girl who live in London. Our sense of reality has been shaken to the ground today.
Josh Gordon, once again testing positive for drugs, has been suspended indefinitely.