Jason and Deb
Guns Don’t Shoot People. Sweatpants Do.
We talked a bit about the new Mulaney show that’s coming up this fall, and Deb totally forgot who he was. Maybe it was because she blocked the above picture out of her mind.
TAKE IT TO JUDGE JUDY:
We spoke yesterday about the fact that Deb worked an event several months ago, but the guy in charge hasn’t paid her still. Deb’s most exciting prospect for getting her money is now judge shows. We’ve already e-mailed Judge Judy and Judge Alex. Hopefully they take it as seriously as she is. If this doesn’t work, where do we turn? Jerry Springer? You’d have to do something way more extreme to get on that show. Like have sex with a giraffe. Maybe our old friend Judge Jeanine Pirro will take the case.
For a few days, Deb has found herself waking up two hours before her alarm goes off. WTF! Nothing is happening, but she can’t get back to sleep. Her friend gave her a melatonin pill, telling Deb to take half, but Deb washed that whole thing down with a few beers, instead. Great news: it worked! Hopefully she doesn’t get hooked. Jason said Deb needs to stop putting sleep on a pedestal. Just do it! Then again, he gets tired just climbing the stairs in his house, so maybe he has an easier time of it.
Wednesdays we shine a light on That Guy – the guy (or girl) who does something douchey and either doesn’t realize it or doesn’t apologize for it. This week it’s Refuses To Do The Dishes Guy. Surprisingly Jason’s outing himself – his roommate informed him that they were in a dishes standoff that Jason didn’t even realize existed. Nick goes all the way in the other direction: he just buys paper plates and plastic forks, then no one can blame him for any dishes.
DUMB QUESTION AMNESTY:
You can ask any question you want, and if you precede it with “dumb question amnesty,” no one is allowed to laugh at you. How is it that a creek by Deb’s house is just a dry bed most of the year, then when it rains, suddenly fish appear? It’s probably connected to some kind of body of water that has fish in it, then they get washed downstream with the rain. Poor guys. What if they liked that old pond?
HELP THE DOGGIES:
We love animals, and the latest way that we're showing it is supporting our friends at the Rowing Dock, who need to raise money for their beloved mascot, Ria. You can see Ria bringing Deb some happiness right here, and if you can help her keep that going by participating in their event or donating, you'll be a slightly better person because of it.
I LOVE YOU CALL:
At 8:50 Deb calls a random business and tries to get the person answering the phone to say, “I love you.” Today she couldn’t get a Home Depot to pick up the phone, so she turned to Cindy’s Nails, where Kevin told her she could bring her dog in, as long as he “doesn’t potty everywhere.” There was no love from anywhere for Deb today.
DOES DEB KNOW STUFF (ABOUT FOOTBALL):
Every day we “trivialize” Deb by asking her questions about the game of football, then laughing when she doesn’t know the answers. Today she had questions about suspensions. Why was Plaxico Burress suspended? He shot himself in the leg because he was wearing sweatpants, which Deb of course remembered. What about Josh Gordon? He’s the guy who loves pot, but Deb thought it was an on-field violation. If you don’t have a ridiculous name, Deb won’t remember you.
There was a breach in security at Home Depot, where they stole thousands of credit cards’ information. Check your statements if you’ve been there in the past few months.
Michael Sam, dropped by the Rams this weekend, has been picked up for the Dallas Cowboys’ practice squad.