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EVERY ANIMAL BODILY FLUID POSSIBLE...

”description”Dear Diary. I went away for a little summer trip to New York this weekend and had the most amazing time. I saw the Yankees, laid on the beach in Connecticut, saw a great fireworks display, rode a bike all around Manhattan, and of course did a little shopping. I didn't want to leave, but was looking forward to seeing my beloved pets again. I may have mentioned once or twice that I've got a lovely, sweet Pit Bull called Blue, but I also share my house with Stella and Charlie, two small cats...
I was really worried about Blue missing me, or eating his babysitter's furniture, but I got no complaints on that front. I didn't really give the cats a second thought, as they pretty much take care of themselves, and my neighbour, Father Case, was popping round to feed them. SO when I got home late Sunday night, and the smell of cat wee hit me before I even opened the door, I freaked out. Here's what greeted me. Somehow, the door to the little cupboard where I keep their cat poo box had been closed. There were piles of poo everywhere, and the cat bed was saturated in wee wee. Cat hair was flying around all over the place, but the cats were no where to be seen. As I began to clean up the mess, I started seeing little claws all over the place. Then I found what looked like a horror film: bloody foot prints and claw marks up the wall and all over the window and sill. What the hell had happened? My cats now came out to see me, both acting weird, but no one was talking. Under close examination, I determined that Charlie was th one who had left his claws behind. Two of them, from his back right foot. And I don't mean just the outside bit that sheds, no, the whole thing, flesh and all. Three hours of cleaning and the house is almost back to normal, but what on earth happened here? Did they fight burglars? Did they fight each other? And why don't I have hidden video footage of this? Honestly, going out of town is such an ordeal when you've got pets. God knows what it'd be like if you had kids...

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