Sick!! So I had a little too much to drink (along with some other uh, factors) and decided to catch a flick at the Drafthouse with a buddy. Well to make a long story short, I basically had to hurl and excused myself politely to the john. Yeah, I didn't quite make it and ended up spewing in the entrance of the theater. That's not the worst of it, walking back in and acting as disgusted as I could, casually asked who was nasty enough to do such a thing. Ew.
I was on west 6th street patrolling the bars for a cocktail waitressing position, when I finally landed an interview with one of the bars managers. I was super stocked and after talking myself up for a few minutes, I turned around to walk away and ran smack dab into a metal pole. It was enough to knock me off my feet! Needless to say, I wasn't ever called back and ran outta there as fast as I could!
I was in the gym in my apartment complex with some friends, and was running on the treadmill. We had it running as fast as it could go, and took turns jumping onto it to see who could stay on longest. It was my turn and I jumped on, and was thrown into the wall behind me. We were all laughing so hard, for me, so hard I pissed my pants. Needless to say, I had to walk across the whole complex with a huge piss stain on my pants.
My former emplorer the owner of the small company was a woman i called her big momma she was not a big woman just the boss.I signed some papers one day ihave doctors handwrighting she looked at it said my gynecologist has the same name and whithout thinking i said does he call you big momma too? I could have died at the time but it was funny later.
well me and theb guys weer bar hopin and they were having a blast but not me I was the DD well so I got my budies and on are way out my budy spilled his drink on me so we left we make it about 2 miles and then we saw the blue lites and ges what they gave me a DUI they didnt by my story I spent turky day in jail
One night I was coming home from 6th street with a girl who was equally intoxicated as me. The girl I was with asked if I would carry her inside my apartment like a true gentleman. I obliged got about five steps then I stepped on a rock and rolled my ankle, which made me lose my grip of her mid air. At this point I am in mid fall and am thinking "should I dive for her or grab my hurt ankle?" As I grabbed my hurt ankle I saw her land then bounce then skid.
i had been going through a dry spell and i was bar hopping one night and started talking to this really hot girl. it seemed like i was in and towards the end of the night she asked if we could take off and if i could take her home. i told her i couldn't because i came on my bike. she said that's so awesome, i love motorcycles! unfortunately i came on a HUFFY, not a Harley.
I was dancing at this club and feeling great. Thought this guy was checking me out and hard core, turns out there was a spider on my head. I flipped out when he came over and told me, spilled my drink and slipped on the floor in the panic. No numbers were exchanged.
I Found The Orange Keystone Can And I Carried It Around With Me All Night.. Then I Ran Out Of Beer And Forgot That It Was in My Hand And Drank that SOB.
While working at a hotel in Houston, I walked out of the ladies room with my dress tucked into my panty hose in the back. And being that they were "panty hose," I didn't feel the need to wear underwear under them. As I was walking into the hotel lobby, a very handsome gentlemen who was using the payphone (this was in 1985) stopped me to tell me that I was about to "moon" the entire lobby. He was a sports agent and the lobby was full of potential Houston Oilers...totally unsmooth!
I was attending an annual Christmas event in our local mall. This event raises money annually for the local community in the Kokomo Indiana. As I was walking through the huge mass of people, one gentlemen stopped me and asked if I knew what this is. I explained that it is an annual event that raises money for the local needy people in the community. He again said, no, do you know what this is? I tried to explain what was happening, again, when he stopped me and said, " No, I mean this!" He then held up a white stick with an orange tip on the bottom. I had accidently kicked his "stick". I then had to listen to his tirade about how blind people need to be watched out for.I apologized and said that I did not know I had kicked his "stick". Tis the season, I thought.
I had finally gotten this girl to go out with me. Had dinner and were back at her pad. She didn't tell me she had a roommate. We started making out, soon my zipper was undone and she had my member in her mouth. Suddenly she drops me, her roommate enters (who was a guy) and I quickly zip up my pants snagging my myself. Ended up covering up with a dish towel and going to the ER for stitches. Didn't know the two of them were engaged (no ring or formal announcement) either. A bad go all the way around.
I passed gas while exiting an elevator. There were several people in the elevator and I was feeling a little guilty. I realized I was on the wrong floor and pushed the button. The elevator opened with the same people on board with strange expressions. I sheepishly entered the elevator.
I once told my brothers girlfriends roomate that her boyfriend was a loser. She told my brothers girl and I got my shit jumped into at three in the morning and she left me at a house that I didn't know anyone and I had to walk home 5 miles just to find out they had broke up a week before hand.
After showing off my best moves on the dance floor, I thought I would join my friends in the lounge area. I had to jump over a small wall (about knee height) to get there. Forgetting that I had painted on my skirt (it was really tight), I managed to jump onto the wall but when trying to get off my legs couldn't seperate more than about 6". I ended up doing a body roll onto the tables, nailing my head on the table, and lying beneath it with my skirt around my waist. Good times!
My most unsmooth moment would have to be when I was in a relationship and I was texing my ex girlfriend... well I happened to get a text message from my current girlfriend during my ex's conversation and I thought I closed her message out to continue with my message to my ex and just so happened I sent "you shouldve met up with me last night so I can show you what I would've done to you" to my girlfriend. yeah try bullshitting your way out of that one
It's not much but pretty embarrassing...I was trying on shoes one day at a shoe store of course and when I bent over to put on one of the shoes I farted big time right in front of the employee and some other people in the store. I just acted like nothing happened, way embarrassing.
During SXSW '09, I was standing outside Buffalo Billiards after having checked out the 101X booth inside. I was talking to this HOT assed babe who was dressed in her hottest leather camel-toe outfit and felt like we were really hitting it off in a good way. I felt something wet splash on my forehead, and not paying any mind to it, I casually reached up and wiped it with the back of my hand. She busted out in uncontrollable laughter because a freakin' pidgeon had crapped on me and I had smeared it all over when I wiped at it.
One of my co-workers had gone to jail for tickets and my boss asked me to drive to Del Valle to have him release a company phone and some keys to me from his property. Having "graduated" from this particular jail MANY times myself, I decided that I was gonna "kingpin" a little bit. So I put on a suit and tie and shined myself up a bit. Upon entering, I saw that working behind the desk was a cop that I knew didn't particularly like me very much because I had joked about his very short stature and very wide girth. While I was waiting for the phone and keys to be brought to me, officer "shortfatass" decided to run a warrant check on me and sure enough, I had a bond forfeiture and was wearing handcuffs in no time flat!
reported your truck stolen it was repoed
My friends and i were playing some beer pong and a girlfriend of mine wanted to pull up the truck to listen to some music, when she pulled up the truck she ran over the case of beer.... unsmooth moment - pulled up the truck ran over the case haha
I was at a party talking to a really hot chic standing outside. Not realizing there was a nice kiddy pool behind me. lol so I took a alcohol enduced baby step backwards, and needless to say no more hot chick talking to the wet drunk man in the kiddy pool.
I was at a wedding reception and was a bit inebriated when I noticed two women together, one of whom was holding a beer glass to the other's mouth. I casually walked over to the two of them and tapped the woman who was drinking from the glass and hit her right arm as I said "So what's with her holding your glass for you?" As her arm just kind of swung limply from side to side after I hit it, she replied,"it's my day off....and by the way I had polio as a child!!!!"
tried to bake cup cakes with out the cup cake pan. put the batter in the pouches and didn't know that there was a special "cup cake pan."
In true Keystone fashion: Showed up to my girls place naked (during a surprise party).
I went on a date with this guy, and he picked me up from my parents house. Note: my parents have an extremely expensive decorative glass front door. The date went really good, and we hit it off completely. It went so well, we ended up staying at the bar until it closed at 2am, and managed to down a couple martinis in the process. On the way home, I came up with the bright idea that he should come up to my room with me at my parents house, figuring at 2am my parents would both be out like rocks. He agrees, and we get(OK fine, stumble) out of the car and attempt to maneuver our way through my front door, up to my room. We start making out on my front doorstep and I somehow trip, end up falling through my door with enough force to break the glass and set off the alarm system. Needless to say, we never made it upstairs. The cops came. My parents woke up. They guy ran away to his car and I never saw him again.
So my friends and I were out at the bar and Drop It Like Its Hot came on, and I had a new pair of jeans on. My girls and I were all dancing to it and when I dropped it to the floor my pants wripped... all the way from the top of my pocket to below it, right down my ass. (And I had nothin on underneath if ya know what I mean lmso) so I had one of my girls hand me my coat and i covered my ass and danced backwards into the bathroom acting like it didnt happen but I couldnt do anything about it at that moment in time so I just kept my coat around my waist until I could get someone to take me home to change my jeans...I still danced tho. So anyway, Unsmooth moment-- Dropped it like its hott (wripped my pants)
My friend and I were at the bar, he was trying to talk to this girl, so I told him to buy her a drink. He came back over 10 minutes later and said to me, "I bought her 2 shots, she gave one to her boyfriend!" I was laughing hysterically and thought to myself this would make a great unsmooth moment! Sincerely, Faithful Keystone Drinker
I used to deliver dockets for a lawyer I worked for to professionals in very windy downtown. Because it was so windy I had perpetually chapped lips and would routinely coat my lips and nose in chap stick before going out to deliver. One day I was sent out with an unusually heavy list to deliver including an office where I had a huge crush on someone. Naturally I really laid on the chap stick thick all over my nose and lips even my chin. Following a day where everyone I encountered seemed very attentive and interested in me and I really thought I had made headway with my crush I realized to my eternal mortification that I had actually used bright red lipstick instead of chap stick.
I had just finished a beginners snow skiing course at Wolf Creek Resort. I was feeling pretty confident and told my sister that I was ready to conquer the mountain. Then I immediately ran into a class of 5 year old skiers called the "Wolf Pups." No one was hurt, though they kinda flew like bowling pins. Naturally everyone on the mountain noticed and I decided I was finished skiing for the day.
One night I was hanging out with my friends and we started passing around our id's because we all thought they looked nothing like us. I was looking at this one guys id and his head was totally shaved and I told him he looked like a cancer patient in it. It was then that I was informed that he actually did have cancer. I was mortified that I had said that and literally wanted to crawl in a hole and die.
So, one night a few of my sorority sisters and I were hanging out at Fado when we spotted a very hot guy. To my excitement, I recognized him as a guy I had earlier met at Qua. He motioned me over and we started to chat. As it turns out, he was an actor. He proceeded to ask me if I had seen "The Mist." Without thinking, (and after a few drinks) I replied with "well, I tried to sit through it but it was too horrible and I had to walk out." He looked disappointed, then disinterested and said it was too bad, because it was his big screen debut and he had a few good scenes in the movie. Then he said goodbye and walked away.
(A little back round. I just got out of a 8 year relationship and had been on a 1 year dry spell.) So Im at work not feeling like I want to be there, then again who likes work. A co worker and I decide we have to much sick time so we take off early. We hit Pluckers around 3 and stay there pounding shots of Patron and their huge mugs of beer till around 7. We then head to another bar have some drinks there. A lady co worker calls and wants to meet us. We decide to meet at Sherlocks. There she arrives with her sister. We hit it off after drinking till 2 and she needs someone to drive her home. So my friend follows as we drive to Lockhart. Once there its decided she actually lives in Roundrock. We then drive to RR. She ask to go to Wataburger where my friend and dates sister park in the parking lot waiting for us to go through the drive through. So we are making out in line it gets a little hot and she ask me to take her home right then and there. It had been a year so I was all over it. We left my friend and here sister in the parking lot and headed to her house. When arriving we are in the car getting closer and I remove my pants. We she then says lets go into the house. Drunk and in the heat of passion I get out the car without my pants. She forgets her sister has the key to their house so she ask me to take her in the car port. As much as I tried I just could not. This was the first time I had ever experienced whiskey ****. So she is begging for it and I cannot perform. She then gets a little upset and recommended we go back to Wataburger. A broken man pant-less and embarrassed I walk back to her car to get in only to find out her door is locked. Im in my underwear looking for her keys in the grass, she is pissed and it takes me 20 minutes to realize I had tossed the under some random object in her car port. I drive her back to watabuger in total silence get in the car with my friend and never see her again. This is the un smoothest thing that has ever happened too me. Has to be good for some free beer.